you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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