Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
