Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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