Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
