rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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