Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
