Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
