We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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