pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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