Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this will be a night to untag.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
