Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
