We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
