just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
