If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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