we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
