I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
