GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
