omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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