For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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