after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
time to smoke my breakfast
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
