The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
