Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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