Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
