I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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