I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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