Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
