dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize