In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
