As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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