I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
