You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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