I like to think it a success when the cops are called
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
