Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
