i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
