Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
