ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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