Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
