Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
