It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
