the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
