True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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