p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
