fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
