so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
