thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Randomize
