Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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