So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
