I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
