I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
