I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
