Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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