y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
