I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dignity is for republicans.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
