let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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