she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
