dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
