I skipped work to stalk him.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
